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The secret to building loving relationships

I recently completed an Emotional-Focused Couples Therapy course (EFT). For me, it was a new way of working with couples and it’s produced some remarkable results in just a few short weeks.

What is EFT?

Couples have relationship problems when they are feeling emotionally disconnected at important moments, which leads to judgement and anger and negative cycles like ‘pursue-withdraw’ and ‘criticise-defend’.

EFT is a therapy that focuses on the development of emotional intelligence and the importance of secure relationships. Rather than seeing emotions as something to be controlled, EFT sees emotions as something to be explored and experienced. It also helps to guide us to what we need or want that will lead us towards personal growth for ourselves and our relationships.

What are the Goals of Emotionally Focused Therapy?

The primary goal of EFT is to explore important emotional responses within a relationship and to understand them. For example, fighting about who loads the dishwasher is a disorganised emotion, because the conflict is inevitably about something else entirely. Secondly, the goal is to identify the positions that are being taken within the relationship (he’s irresponsible, I’m the victim, etc) and to shift these habitual positions to new, positive and supportive ways of interacting with each other. The final goal is to encourage a secure bond within the relationship.

The result? In the words of one couple in EFT therapy with me: “We now recognise the cycle (the disfunction) as being the problem and we’ve been able to move beyond it and it has given us a new beginning.”

If you feel that EFT Couples Therapy could be of use to you and your partner, you can contact me on: 07541 872 474 to book an appointment and begin a new journey of understanding within your relationship.

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