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What we understand about sex addiction

Updated: Nov 5, 2020

We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued. It consumes, it destroys, and it disables.

For both men and women equally, having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them. It’s a hit, a feeling of exhilaration but shame at the same time.

Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional partner at a time. Trawling, not being able to quench the thirst, never satisfied and always being disappointed.

We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts. It’s all-consuming and takes its toll on you and your loved ones. Living in secrecy, living with lies and more lies.

We sexualise stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing care, and support. It numbs our feelings and soothes us for a short while. Its vicious, a cycle of abuse to oneself.

We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others. This is part and parcel of the addiction. We must control, we must manipulate, and this is part of the cycle of the horrible game they call ‘addiction’. But the truth is its there because we have no control. It’s a false sense of security and there is no security when you live it.

Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones and ourselves. It’s a lose-lose situation.

We become immobilised or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.

We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities. Porn is one of those compulsions and it takes over your life, the life that has no purpose other than the addiction.

Whatever has prompted you to seek help, I am able to work with you through a process of assessment, understanding, exploring underlying issues and recovery strategies.

Or, if you are a partner, I can offer support and understanding at a traumatic time in your life. I work with clients Face-to-Face or via Skype and welcome enquiries from individuals, couples and partners who are affected by Sex/Porn addiction.

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